A New Hope
by LorelaiLuke
Summary: Stella has come to terms with the fact that all of her past relationships have ended badly. She’s thinking of giving up on love, but someone reminds her that her true soul mate will show up when she least expects it.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Stella has come to terms with the fact that all of her past relationships have ended badly. She's thinking of giving up on love, but someone reminds her that her true soul mate will show up when she least expects it.

…

The loud tapping of rain against the window shook Stella from her thoughts, causing her to turn and look out into the nights sky. Ten pm on a Friday evening found Stella confined to her office doing massive amounts of paper work from the unusual amount of sick, perverted freaks that scoured the city that week. She had worked at least three cases a day since Monday, barely finding time to shower let alone eat. And having a social life was out of the question. She cancelled more dates then she made this week, though didn't feel bad or lonely because of it. All of her time and effort had been focused on catching suspects, and finishing up her work. The last thing she needed was anyone from above coming down on her for neglecting to file evidence.

So there she sat on that rainy Friday night, typing up reports and stuffing envelopes. Every few minutes she'd glance at the clock, or peek out the window as the rain poured down, but Stella Bonasera was dedicated to getting the job done. As CSI's go, she was one of the most diligent workers that unit had. Aside from her partner, and best friend Mac Taylor, she was the best around.

She looked over at the clock again, blinked a few times as if she couldn't recognize the bright red numbers flashing in front of her, and then ran her hands over her face. 11:45 flashed across her mind and she yawned. She pushed her feet slightly out in front of her causing her chair to swivel backwards away from the confines of her desk. She then lifted her arms above her head in an attempt at stretching out the days knots but strangely felt a tinge of pain in her neck. A small moan, not one of pleasure, escaped her lips and she grasped the back of her neck in agony.

"Someone looks sore." Stella heard from the doorway. Not bothering to turn her attention to the person she already knew to be Mac Taylor. No other Detective would be stupid enough to give up a Friday night for paperwork, and she was surprised it took him that long to come find her.

"I've been hunching over this desk for the past 5 hours! You'd be sore too." She replied, sounding a little harsher then intended. She looked over at him. He didn't seem any better. Dark circles under his eyes told her he hadn't slept in a few days, and his clothes were rumpled, so she knew he hadn't even been home to change.

Mac slowly nodded and pushed himself off her door frame and made his way to her. He walked behind her desk to where she was sitting and placed his hands on her shoulders, slowing massaging the area behind her neck down her spine in between her shoulder blades. Stella rolled her head forward releasing another moan, this time one of pleasure, as Mac worked miracles on her.

"Oh my god that feels amazing Mac!" She slurred. Instantly feeling relief, and letting go of some much needed stress she closed her eyes. Another moan escaped her and this caused Mac to stop and pull back slightly.

"What's wrong?" Stella asked as she tilted her head in his direction.

"Nothing. You should go home. The paperwork can wait until Monday. You need sleep, and I know you had plans tonight. Maybe it's not too late…" Mac rattled out, and Stella stopped him.

"You know as well as I do that I can't let these case files sit here all weekend. And as for my plans…well lets just say canceling on someone five times in a row doesn't keep em coming back for more." She explained. "I'm almost finished and I'll probably crash here tonight anyway so sleep is on the horizon."

"Do you want some help? I'm done all of my work, we'll get through it faster if we work together." Mac stated simply, as if he really wanted to stay.

"I can't ask you to do that Mac. You need sleep as much as I do. Go home, have a nice weekend. Don't think about work and just enjoy your time off. I'll be done soon and doing the same thing." Stella argued, hoping he would pick up the subtle inflection in her voice begging him to stay.

"I'm not leaving until you are…I guess you're stuck with me!" He smiled. Though he was exhausted and completely drained of energy and emotion, he still had a soft spot when it came to Stella. He'd do just about anything for her.

Mac pulled up a chair to the front of Stella's desk and pulled out a few files that had yet to be checked. Putting on his serious work face he started, diligently reading every page, some multiple times. Then as he finished he signed his name on the bottom of the page and set it aside, only to be faced with another. Two hours passed as the clock read 2:32 am, and both Mac and Stella were beat. Finally the cases were closed, and filed and updated into the computer logs and evidence was bagged and tagged. Mac looked at the desk where Stella had been working quietly for the past hour and noticed she had fallen asleep. A smile appeared on his face and he stood there for a moment watching her. She was so beautiful, he thought. Her dark curly locks hung over her face, and he could her soft snoring as he approached her.

Gently shaking her shoulders Mac tried to wake her.

"Stella, we're finished. You should lie down on the cot." Mac whispered a few inches from her face as to not scare her.

"Mmmmm," Stella moaned. "I don't want to move."

"Come on Stel, I'll help you." He offered.

"Pick me up Mac. I can't walk, I need you to carry me." She replied sleepily.

It took Mac a few seconds to understand what she was asking. This was very unlike Stella to give up control and depend on someone else. In a way he was flattered, but at this ungodly hour he didn't spend much time analyzing the meaning of her phrase.

He slowly bent over placing a hand under her legs and another across her back. Unconsciously, she wrapped her arms around his neck and as he lifted her from the chair she placed her head in the crook of his neck, letting out a deep sigh. He took in a breath catching the smell of her hair which was a mixture of scents, something floral he guessed. Mac walked them out into the hallway and toward the locker rooms which housed 8 cots for overnights that had been more frequent lately. As they approached one of the cots Mac slowed his pace and began so set Stella's body carefully down, but as he tried to release her from his grasp she held on tighter, pulling him down onto the cot with her.

"Um Stella," Mac cleared his throat trying to get some attention, maybe wake her up. "You need to let go of me so we can get some sleep."

"Stay, I'm so tired. I want you here, please don't leave me alone." She pleaded, almost begged and it broke Mac's heart to hear her so vulnerable.

He looked at her face and saw that she was still asleep and didn't want to risk waking her again so he settled into her side. Still, with arms wrapped around one another, they both drifted off into a deep oblivion that was much needed. Though it was already morning, they found comfort in the sleep that would hopefully last throughout the day.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

A soft ringing woke Stella from her sleep. Letting out a big yawn she attempted to turn and stretch for her phone but was constricted to move. Opening her eyes slightly she saw an arm draped across her stomach and as she rolled her head to the side she came face to face with a sleeping Mac Taylor. Surprised and a little shocked she gasped a bit and tensed up. Mac felt her movement and started to stir, cracking his eyes slowly to adjust to the light.

"Morning…or should I say afternoon." He said looking around the locker room toward the clock on the wall which read 12:52.

"Hey. I must have been really tired. I don't really remember much of last night." She replied, hoping that would give him the beginning of a conversation that would clear up their late night cuddle session.

"Yeah we were both beat. Lets make a promise to each other. I won't work for an entire week straight without taking at least one night to get some sleep and you need to do the same. Add food and a shower into that too!" Mac said as he laughed at the last part.

With a smile on her face Stella replied, "Deal. Though I don't about you, but I'm still tired. And I feel like I didn't do something that needs to be done. You ever get those feelings?"

"All the time Stel. I'm pretty sure we did everything last night though. You want a lift home?" He offered.

"Mac, we live on opposite sides of the city. Talk about going out of your way." She smirked, and then realized they were still together on the tiny cot made for one.

Clearing her throat as a slight blush spread across her face, mostly from the fact that she seemed to forget their previous position moments ago and were now faced with it and it's unanswered meaning, she swiveled her body away from his trying to get some distance.

"Just thought I'd offer. You have plans tonight?" He asked as he stood up, making his way to his locker.

"Umm…not sure. I've cancelled on a few guys this week due to our case load and I was thinking about giving one of them a call. It's gonna be nice to have a couple days off…relax a bit. Not think about work, you know?"

"Yeah," he said, sadness evident in his voice.

"You have plans?" Stella caught him off guard by her question. Though asking her was perfectly fine, he hadn't expected her to return it.

"No, I'm just gonna stay in. Maybe order something, watch a movie. Haven't really thought about it." He paused for a bit before asking his next question. "Hey Stel," he finally turned to her. "If you're plans fall through tonight, and you don't wanna be alone you're always welcome at my place. I'm gonna be there anyway so if you feel like stopping by, or just wanna talk later…it's up to you." A slight blush swept across his face. He's asked Stella over to his place before and it's never made him nervous, or ever stutter over his words so he wasn't sure of what was happening now.

"Thanks Mac…I'll think about it." A smile spread across her entire face. She was excited by his offer, and really wanted to accept and spend the evening with him, but she was hoping for a sign from above pointing to her and Mac, making them a couple. Dating a co-worker was out of the question though,and dating the boss was even worse. She pushed the thought to the back of her mind and gathered some things from her locker. Slamming it shut, she picked up her bag and headed toward the door of the locker room. Stopping a few feet away, she turned to look at Mac once again. His back was to her.

"I'll see ya later Mac. Have a great weekend!" She told him has she walked out, leaving him to his thoughts.

Shortly after Stella made her exit, Mac gathered up his things and headed out into the hallway. Looking forward to a weekend away from work, he silently prayed for a body to turn up on his way home. Anything to distract his mind from Stella. Because she'd definitely be flooding his thoughts for the next two days. Letting out a heavy breath he exited the building and headed toward his SUV, soon to be on the road to home.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Mac pulled into his driveway and turned off the car. He sat there for a moment, shook his head and climbed out of the vehicle heading for the door. His house was dark. Even in mid-afternoon a shadow cast itself throughout his home. He closed the door behind him as he made his way to the kitchen, setting his bags down in the entry way. Opening the fridge he grabbed a bottle of water and leaned his body on the counter, mumbling to himself, "this is gonna be a long day!"

Stella got home just as quickly and clambered her way upstairs to her apartment. When she opened the door and took in her surroundings it almost seemed foreign to her. It had been days, almost a week since she'd last been home and it was close to unrecognizable. Sighing, she made her way to her bedroom, unpacked the bag she removed from her locker earlier and began thinking about the day.

Three hours had passed and found Mac half asleep on his couch with the news report softly humming in the back ground. He had ordered Mexican for dinner and ate alone, silently wishing to himself that Stella had called. They didn't do much on the weekends, usually they worked so they pretty much knew where the other was. It was strange to him all of a sudden tat his need to be around her, or know her plans was overwhelming him. Pretty much keeping him from doing anything remotely productive. So he sat, half asleep on a Saturday evening, thinking of one thing.

Stella had called a friend, hoping to fill her boring evening with a night of dancing, maybe a few drinks. This friend accepted and agreed to meet her at her favorite bar. She had a rule of no men in her house just in case something went wrong, she always had a safe place to be. So they met in a public place with a lot of prying eyes.

Stella had gone out with this man before. He was an architect, a pretty impressive one at that and had her drooling at the mouth whenever they were together. This past week had been so busy for her that she cancelled on him 3 times, and when she called tonight and he accepted she just about leapt from her chair. She put on her slinkiest dress, highest heels and gussied herself up with make-up hoping to make a good impression on this man she hardly knew, but wanted to get to know better.

Delaney's Bar was crowded, maybe 60 people huddled around pool tables and corners exchanging stories of their day, maybe some on blind dates getting to know one another. As she walked into the crowded bar she could feel about half of the inhabitants looking her way. A small blush crept up her cheeks and she felt an arm wrap around her waist. Turning she came face to face with her date.

"Hey," she smiled. "Sorry I'm late, have you been here long?"

"Not at all. I ordered you a drink though while I was waiting," he said with a smirk.

"Oh thanks Craig, that was sweet of you." She replied back.

As the night went on Stella and Craig made small talk. Laughing at each others jokes, telling stories about friends and family and just getting to know each other. When she finally looked at her phone for the time it read 12:46. The conversation had taken a turn and it became and awkward silence that she just couldn't take any longer.

"Oh god, it's past midnight. I should get going." She explained. She didn't really have any place to be but she was ready to leave, the late hour just gave her the excuse she was looking for.

"Oh, I thought we were having a good time? It's still early. We can go back to my place, it'll be more intimate there." Craig persuaded, but she wasn't biting.

"Thanks but I'll just head home. I'll give you a call soon though and we can do this again."

Craig looked upset, even a little angry but didn't react the way she thought he would. "Okay, suit yourself. I had a nice time Stella." He kissed her cheek and stood up from the bar making his way to the door.

Sighing she stood up as well, pilled on her jacket and exited the bar. As she stood on the sidewalk waiting to hail a cab someone grabbed her arm.

"Hey, what…" She yelled as she came face to face with Craig.

"I'm not ready for this night to end," he stated calmly, void of emotion.

"Well I am…let go of me now!"

"Nope, can't do that. I've been waiting all week to go out with you, you're not gonna dump me just like that. We're gonna have some fun." He glared at her now, anger in his eyes.

Stella tried to pull her arm away from him but he was stronger and held on tight. Scanning her surroundings quickly she tried to find something or someone to help. No one was around. The bar was about 50 feet away but the noise coming from inside was so loud she could barely hear herself breathing, which she knew was deep and heavy.

"Craig let go," she pleaded again. "Please, I'm tired, I wanna go home, we can go out another night." Reasoning with him seemed like the smartest thing to do at this point. Promising another date would hopefully give him the hint and get him to back off. No such luck though.

He grabbed her with his other has, squeezing her upper arms until she cried out in pain.

"You're hurting me!" She screamed.

A smile danced across his lips as he pushed her backwards toward a wall. Probably one that belonged to the bar they were just visiting. He slammed her hard against the concrete knocking her head back with a loud thud. Her vision became blurry but she was still conscious enough to realize what was coming next. She could feel the hem of her dress rising up her thighs but she was too disoriented to fight back. Her hands and legs felt tingly, almost non-existent and her balance faltered and she teetered to the right, only to be brought back by the same strong hand as before. The other hand was reaching it's way up her dress, rubbing the inside of her thigh and he climbed to the center of her woman-hood.

Stella closed her eyes. She knew she had no control over what was gonna happen next, and silent tears poured down her face. Off in the distance she could hear people laughing. Opening her eyes she could barely make out 3 or 4 people walking toward them on the sidewalk. She quickly tried to find her voice and call for help but the first few times were weak groans. She tried again, succeeding in a strong powerful scream that caught the attention of that group of strangers and they came running, yelling at the man to stop.

Craig let go, dropping her to the ground, and took off. She tried to pick herself up but was unable to move her legs. She was dizzy from hitting her head and the only thing that came out of her mouth was vomit and the nausea came flooding through her body.

"Are you ok?" A man asked. "Hey," she could feel someone's hand on her shoulder shaking her but she couldn't get her body to recognize help.

"I…I need help." Stella squeaked out.

"We called the cops, an ambulance is on it's way. You're gonna be fine ok? Is there anyone you want us to call?" The man asked.

"Call Mac…please call Mac!" She cried out. Regaining some consciousness she lifted her hand to the back of her head and winced in pain. Her hand was covered in blood. She began to panic, searching around for her cell.

"Miss…we don't know Mac. Can you give us a number? Where does he live?" The voice kept asking her, but at this point she was tuning everything out. All she could think about right now was finding her cell so she could call Mac. She desperately needed him.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Mac was asleep on the couch when he heard a faint ringing coming from somewhere in his house. He recognized the chirping as his cell phone but couldn't get to it fast enough before the caller hung up. Looking at the clock he noticed the time as 1:16 am and grabbed his phone. Thinking he had a case, he checked the caller ID and saw that it was Stella.

He dialed her number but she didn't answer. Thinking it odd that she hadn't picked up he tried again. Still nothing. Panic flashed across his face. He didn't know why but had a bad feeling about something. I wasn't unusual to get a call at that time of morning, but a case often followed and Stella was always reachable.

…

Sitting on the back of an ambulance in front of Delaney's bar, Stella was being checked out by the paramedic. She had tried calling Mac but he didn't answer. She was scared, shaking and felt alone and just wanted to talk to him and tell him what happened but since he didn't pick up his phone she assumed he was sleeping, and didn't bother trying again.

"This might sting a bit Miss. Bonasera," the paramedic explained while he applied gauze with some type of ointment to the wound on the back of her head.

She cringed a little but it wasn't bad, she was just thankful that someone stumbled upon them and called for help. She felt like she owed them her life.

A soft ring of a phone shook her from her thoughts and she searched around for the object coming up empty. Spotting her clutch purse a few feet away she hopped off the ambulance and swayed toward it, feeling a little light headed from the loss of blood. She picked up the purse digging around for the phone, she grabbed it and answered, only to hear nothing. The caller had hung up. A few seconds later it rang again and she noticed the caller ID display Mac Taylor's name and number. A sigh of relief took over her as she answered the call.

"Hey Mac," she said softly, tears beginning to well in her eyes again.

"Stel is everything ok? I was asleep and I didn't hear the phone ring, and then you didn't answer…" he was explaining when she interrupted him.

"Mac I was attacked," as soon as the words left her mouth so did the sobs.

"Where are you?" He asked frantically.

"Umm, Delaney's bar on the corner of Fifth and Lexington."

"I'm on my way, stay there." He told her as he hung up the phone and rushed out the door.

Thirty minutes later he arrived. He could see flashing lights from police cars and the ambulance that he gathered to be there for Stella. He pushed his way through the small crowd of people that formed and saw Stella curled up on the sidewalk talking to a uniformed police officer. He started a slow jog her way and as she looked up they caught eyes.

She stood quickly, fresh tears streaming down her face, and ran to him. Mac stopped and Stella drove her body into his, wrapping her arms around his neck. He drew his hands up around her back and squeezed her tight, whispering into her hair.

"What happened Stel?"

Sniffling, she took a breath and began to tell the story. "I called this guy that I met about a month ago. We made plans last week to have dinner, and then we were overloaded with cases and I had to cancel on him. We kept trying to reschedule but something always came up, so I called tonight and asked him to meet me for a drink. We're sitting at the bar having a good time, and then the conversation ends, it gets awkward and I tell him I wanna leave. He's fine with it at first and he takes off, so I stand up and leave too. I'm outside waiting for a cab and he comes up from behind me and grabs my arm. I try to fight him off but he's got both of my arms pinned to my side…" she trails off and catches a sob that escapes her. Mac rubs her arms gently and tells her to continue. "He shoves me back into the building and I cracked my head on the concrete. I don't really remember a lot after that, it all gets blurry, but I can feel his hands under my dress, and his mouth on my neck and all I wanna do is scream but nothing comes out. Then I hear noise coming from the street, and somehow I scream and they start yelling at him to back of, and that's when he runs."

Mac's holding her tightly as she cries into his chest.

"Shh, it's ok Stel. You're safe now, I'm gonna take you home." He turns to lead her to his truck and helps her climb in.

"I'm gonna talk to the paramedic before we go and inform the officer that I'll be taking your formal statement in the morning."

She nods her head and then leans back into the seat, closing her eyes.

As Mac returns and climbs in to the struck, they ease out into traffic and head for her place. He's one of the few men in her life that knows where she lives, and it's a comfort to him, as well as her, to know that her home is safe. She's asleep when they pull up so he shuts the truck off and walks around to her side. He opens the door carefully and scoops her slender body from the cab, getting flashbacks from last night, and walks her up to her apartment. He uses his spare key to open the door, only the close and lock it behind him. He lays Stella on her couch and moves to the kitchen to make coffee.

A few minutes later she stirs, waking up slowly.

"Mac?" She calls out because she can't see him anywhere.

"Right here, " he peeks around the corner from the kitchen. "I'm just making us some coffee."

She smiles slightly and sits up. He comes to sit next to her and without word pulls her body to his. She sighs and rests her head on his shoulder.

"I can't believe this happened."

"I'm just glad you're ok. Maybe you should start running you're prospective dates through the database." He tries to joke and she cracks a smile even though tears are running down her cheeks again.

"Mac, my last boyfriend tried to kill me and I shot him, of course I'm gonna check these guys out. He was clean, no record, nothing. I thought he was a nice guy. Why do I always get the assholes?" She flashed back to the day the shot and killed Frankie.

"I don't know Stel, but you don't deserve them."

They both sat there for a while in the others arms. Stella felt safe with him, and he felt the need to keep her safe. Eventually they drifted off to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Mac started to stir and opened his eyes. Focusing on his surroundings he felt slight pressure on his chest, and looking down he saw a bundle of brown curls belonging to Stella. He smiled and stayed as still as possible, remembering the events that happened a few hours before and not wanting to wake her.

Mac was still watching her when she started to wake, but he couldn't take his eyes away. She opened her eyes and let out a small yawn, then craned her head up to look at Mac's face.

Smiling, she said, "Hey…how long was I out?"

"A few hours…I slept for most of that too."

"You've been awake? Why didn't you tell me, I could've moved…"

"You needed the sleep Stel…and I was fine right here," he explained with a smile.

A slight blush spread across her face and she sat up, instantly wishing his warm body was still connected to hers.

"Are you feeling better at least?" Mac asked, placing his hand on her back and giving it a gentle rub.

"Yeah I guess…I feel so stupid for letting it happen though. I'm a cop for Christ's sake, how can I just let someone have that much control over me and not defend myself? What the hell was I thinking?" She just stared into his eyes and poured her heart out while tears threatened to fall again.

Mac grabbed her shoulders, and without a word, pulled her to him in another tight embrace. He only wished that they were hugging for other reasons, and not because she had just been attacked.

"You're a damn good cop, do you hear me?

She nodded and sniffled.

"Don't ever think you aren't strong enough, or good enough! You're the strongest person I know Stella…you give me strength to go on, did you know that?"

"No," she whispered.

"Well you do. I just wish I could be that person for you!" Mac told her, still rubbing circles along her back.

She sat up quickly and whipped her head in his direction so she could look into his eyes.

"You are that for me Mac! If I didn't have you, I'd be a mess every minute of the day. You remind me why I do this job and give me courage to help people." Tears now streaming down her face at an uncontrollable rate.

Stella couldn't go on due to the tremors she felt course through body from her unmanageable crying. She leaned forward, pressing her face tightly into the crook of his neck and held on tight. She had so may feelings for this man but didn't know how to tell him, and even though she'd been through a terrible ordeal it almost hurt worse to have him here with her and not be able to tell him how she felt.

Mac nuzzled into her hair and placed a kiss to her forehead. Sighing, she leaned further into him not wanting to ever let go.

"You mean a lot to me Stella…I can honestly say that wouldn't do this job without you."

"Yeah you would Mac," she whispered from his chest. "You just wouldn't be as good!"

A smile spread across his face and he pulled her closer. Stretching out his legs, he leaned back pulling her with him to a laying position on the couch. She kept one arm wrapped around his neck and brought the other to his chest, gripping his shirt. Her legs tangled with his and she pressed her body as tightly against his as she could.

Neither of them were tired, but they stayed in each others arms anyway…just needing to hold the other close.

"Mac?"

"Hmm."

"What ever happened to the coffee?" She smiled.

Without even looking up she could feel the grin on his face, and just nuzzled in closer.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Mac walked around Stella's kitchen with ease as if he's been doing it for years. Reaching into the cupboard for mugs, and the drawer for spoons it's as if he knew her home by heart, and it gave her reassurance in herself as to why she loved this man.

"You sure you don't want any help Mac? I feel like I'm not being a good hostess." She exclaimed.

"Yes I'm sure," he said, letting out a small giggle. "You relax, I've got it all under control. I'm taking care of you tonight."

Smiling from the table across the room Stella began daydreaming of the happy family she's always wanted. The perfect guy, perfect marriage and lots of kids…and all she had to do was to convince herself that Mac was that perfect man. But who was she kidding…she needed no convincing. She already knew that he was it; that he was her fairytale ending. The clanking of a mug lifted her from her dreams and she began smelling the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. Picking up the glass and taking a sip she sighed, and sunk down further into her chair as if someone had just taken away all of her pain.

"You ok?"

"Yeah…I'm fine. I was just thinking." She replied vaguely.

"Wanna share?"

She smiled up at him. "Just wondering what my life would be like if I had kids, a husband…a white picket fence." She added with a laugh.

Mac reached across the table and gently grabbed her hand.

"You'll have that Stella. Maybe not now, but someday you'll find someone who loves you more then anything in the world and knows how to treat you right. You just need to be patient."

"I have been patient Mac and look where it's gotten me! I'm alone, beaten and almost killed and sitting in my kitchen with my boss being taken care of like a child. What man is gonna find any of this appealing?"

"I know a few." He said softly.

She looked up at him, not quite knowing if she heard right. His eyes were cast toward the floor, unable to meet hers.

"What do you mean?" She bravely spoke. She knew Mac wasn't one to share his feelings but she was hoping to get something out of him.

"Umm…never mind. I should really get going Stel. It's late…" He stood from the table and started walking toward the living room to grab his things.

"Wait Mac; you don't have to leave. Please stay, I don't want to be alone and you know how much I hate asking for help."

Mac looked at her and smiled. Even being strong and stubborn you need a friend to lean on now and then.

"Sure…I'll stay until you kick me out."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Walking back into her apartment Mac plopped himself down on her couch, letting the pillows drown him with comfort. Stella noticed his unease to be near her so she waited a few seconds and then decided to fall into the seat right next to him.

"Thanks for staying Mac…I don't know why, but I just feel better knowing you're around." She rattled off without looking at him.

"It's nice to be needed to tell you the truth."

"I know you're a private person Mac…but I want you to know that you don't have to be scared or embarrassed to tell me things. I pour my heart out to you because I trust and know you won't judge me, I just wish you felt the same with me."

Turning slightly to face her he replied, " Stella I do trust you…with more then having my back at work. I trust you with personal things too, I don't talk to any one else and you know it! I just have a hard time opening up…it's a personal thing. I can't even explain it to you because I don't know myself." As he's speaking to her he unconsciously grabs her hand.

"I understand Mac…but I just don't want to push you too far one day and have you close up on me altogether. I can't risk losing you," she bows her head in slight fear that she's said too much.

"You'll never lose me Stel. I'll always be here for you ok?"

She looks into his eyes and nods her head. The only thing running through her mind right now is this man in front of her. She feels so lucky to have him here, with her, being her friend, and hopefully one day loving her. She decides to take a risk she's been thinking about for a while now and leans her head in slowly to his. He's a little startled at first but doesn't move away. As she gets closer she can feel his gentle breath on her lips, and goes the next few centimeters to meet his mouth in a light kiss. They part, leaving an extremely small space between them and then crash into each other once more for a more demanding, yet sensual kiss that lasts longer this time. She parts her mouth slightly when she feels his tongue exploring her lips, asking for entrance and she grants it without hesitation. He draw his tongue up and around her mouth tasting every inch of her and loving the feeling that it's elicited inside of him. She lets out a small moan which doesn't go unnoticed by him. His hands climb their way up her arms to rest on her shoulders. He gently massages them and she moans again, bringing her own hands to rest on his stomach. He then pulls back slightly, doubt flooding his mind.

"We shouldn't do this Stel…it can't happen."

"Mac…I want it to, if you think I'm just trying to make myself feel better that's not the…."

"Stel listen to me! I can't be what you need…I'm your boss, your partner, your friend…I can never be the husband with 2.5 kids and white picket fence like you want…deserve. You wont be happy with me…this will only end badly." He starts to move from the couch when he feels hands on his arms pulling him back down.

"I'm not asking for any of that from you!" She raises her voice a little in aggravation. "Those are my dreams Mac…not a prerequisite to being a art of my life. I've never asked you to be anything other then what you are…I can't believe you'd think I'd reject you if you didn't give me my fairytale ending!" She was fuming now.

"I just want you to have everything you deserve. You can have all of that Stella…I just can't be the one to give it to you!"

"I don't want you too!" This time tears start falling. "I want you to be around, to hold me, take care of me, to…to love me," she whispers the last part.

"I do Stella! All of the above, I do. I'll always be here for you and hold and comfort you…and I'll always love you. But I can't make you happy the way you deserve." He wants to run to her and wrap her in his arms but he's afraid it of what she might do.

She stares blankly at him, tears pouring freely from her eyes and she stands. Taking a huge leap, she throws herself into his arms and holds on tight.

"I deserve a chance!" She cries into his chest. "I love you Mac…I have for a long time…why can't you just love me back!" Her whole body is shaking.

Mac throws his arms around her, his heart crushing at every tear spilled. He buries his head in her hair, tears now threatening to fall from his own eyes.

"I do love you Stella…more then you know! I would love to spend the rest of my life with you if I knew we'd be happy for ever…I'm just scared!" He explained, now full tears coming from his eyes as well.

"Don't leave me…please! Just give us a chance, I don't understand why you don't want to even try?"

Both of them are crying, holding onto the other for dear life and standing in the middle of Stella's living room.

"I'll give it a shot…because I love you and want to make you happy." Mac stated as he started composing himself. "You already know I'm bad at these 'feelings' thing…just bare with me ok?"

"I know everything about you Mac and I haven't run yet. We'll take it slow…no need to rush."

They both stare at each other for a moment before realizing that they're still standing in the middle of then room. Turning slightly, holding hands, they head to the couch to relax and think about the even that just happened and somehow started their relationship.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Two hours later they were sound asleep on Stella's couch. Both mentally and physically drained from the evenings events, neither could bear to keep an eye open. At the sound of snoring Mac cracked an eye and peeked around the room he was in. It was dark, the only light coming from the lamp at the end of the couch. His shoulder seemed a bit heavier then normal so he craned his neck, cracking it a bit from being positioned in once spot for so long, and looked at the sleeping form of Stella lying on him. Memories of the evening flooded back into his mind and all he could do was sigh. He knew he wasn't good at showing emotion, though he's had feelings for her for so long. But now that he's let her in on his secret, he's afraid he'll screw it up. He knows she's been though so much with previous men…one tonight in particular, and the thought of something serious happening his hard to wrap his mind around. He wants to protect her, to be her knight in shining armor, but he doesn't think he can let her in emotionally.

She finally begins to stir and her eyes flutter open right into Mac's. A smile appears on her face which tells him she's obviously happy with their arrangement.

"Hey," she let's out in a raspy, sleep filled voice.

"Hey back." He states simply.

"How long have you been up?"

"Not long…I was just thinking."

"About what?" She asks.

He doesn't respond right away and makes her a little nervous.

"Mac…what were you thinking about?"

"You mostly…and us I guess. I don't know where to go from here Stella. To say I'm a little scared is an understatement." He tries to explain but his inability to let her know how he's feeling comes to the fore-front.

"What are you scared of? Me? This relationship? You need to be a little more specific Mac."

"That's just it Stella…I can't be more specific. I can't let you know how I'm feeling. I'm just not good at it, which is why I think we're not right for each other, no matter how much I love you!" He says, voice rising with each word spoken.

Frustrated she lets out a deep sigh. She brings her hands to her forehead a rubs her temples, digging her fingers roughly around the hair line and over the bridge of her eyebrows.

Mac moves his hand to her back to rub small circles of comfort but she brushes him off.

"Mac…this is ridiculous! You love me, said you'd give us a chance, and now you're too scared? I've been through so much hell in my life this past year…do you remember?"

He nods.

"Good…because the one person who was there with me through all of it was you…how were you so able to do it then, keep me in check and sane, but you can't do it now?" A hint of tears shine in her eyes.

"I didn't know you felt anything for me…it was easy to keep that part heart hidden away. Now all I wanna do is share the whole thing with you, but I don't know how. I wish you could understand that." He sighed…more annoyed with himself then her.

"I do understand Mac…I do. I'm scared too. I've met some real bastards, you know that. I'm afraid to let my heart out in the open again. I know you wont hurt me though, and just that alone makes this so much easier!" She faces him, tears now freely pouring down her cheeks.

"I will hurt you Stella. Every time you ask what's wrong and I can't answer you'll be hurting inside. When I have a bad day or case and just wanna be alone you'll be hurt because I'm not with you. It's never ending!" He explained.

Dropping her head in her hands she began crying loudly, clearly frustrated with him and his actions. Mac moved closer and wrapped his arms around her, trying to offer an ounce of comfort. It was really the only thing her knew how to do well…hold Stella. She removed her hands from her face and swung them around his back, gripping at his shirt and sobbed into his chest.

"I love you Mac…you promised me a chance remember? Why are you taking it away from me now?"

At Stella's pleading, tears came to his eyes. He was hurting just as much as she was, and now was as good a time as any to show her.

"Stella I'm so scared to hurt you like those other men did. I would never do anything physically, but emotional pain is just as bad. I'd never forgive myself for neglecting you, or pushing you away. You mean too much to me." He sniffed as he spoke, trying to mask his own tears.

"Never say that!" She fought the urge to slap him. "You are nothing like any of the men I dated this past year. You could never be compared to them in any way, no matter what happened between us. I'm not gonna beg you anymore Mac…you wither want to share a part of my life or you don't. The ball's in your court now."

Mac separated himself from her grasp and sat back on the couch, thinking for a moment at the words she just spoke. When he came to a conclusion, he gently grabbed her hand and placed it in his lap. Shutting his eyes for a minute he sighed, then re-opened them to see her staring back at him in anticipation.

"I love you. I have for years, but you know how I am. I guess what I'm saying is I wanna share my life with you Stella. You mean everything to me, and though I can't promise that every day will be the best, I can promise that my love will never end." He declared.

Smiling brightly at him, she leaped forward into his arms and kissed his neck. Fresh tears now falling from her eyes.

"Good!" Was all she could form words for at the moment. She was just happy to have the man she loves in her arms, and willing to stay there.

"Just bear with me ok? I know I say that a lot…"

"Mac…I'll take anything you're willing to give. I love you, and that's all that matters. I'll take the good and the bad because I know that love out weighs both."

With Stella in his arms he slid their entwined bodies down along the couch and just laid in each others arms. Once breathing returned to normal Mac could feel Stella succumb to sleep once more. It had been an emotional toll on her mind and body, and he hoped to not ever cause her such stress and turmoil again. But in the back of his mind there was always a little pang of guilt and regret. He knew her heartache wasn't over…it would take time for them to truly be happy together, but he was one hundred percent willing to stick it out as long as she could.


End file.
